these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
