Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
