i already hear my dad disowning me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
