just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
