I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
