Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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