Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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