But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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