You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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