Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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