I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
