So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
false alarm, still single
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
