We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
