You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm like, not good at living.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
