We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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