you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
