Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize