Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
