I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize