Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
