so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
