PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
