If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
