Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
