I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize