He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
