So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
