it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
