Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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