The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
