spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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