the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
