Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
