Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize