I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
