I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
