You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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