Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
