The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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