Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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