Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
