Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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