Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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