just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
