Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
