Can i not drive my cunt home
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
