She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize