i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
soo... how was my night?
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