does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
