And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
