I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
