I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
