I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
honey bunches of taint.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
