With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
