Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
