Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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