maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
