Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
