how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize