I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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