he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The air taste purple.
Randomize
