I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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