it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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