Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize