Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
