Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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