I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
