dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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