Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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