Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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