I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
