im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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