Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
