OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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