you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
