was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
