well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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