she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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