Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
