I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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