I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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